Harder Than I Thought

From The Messy Middle

Harder Than I Thought

Lyrics

No music No screen Just… (mm) Everything

I turned it off like it was going to feel good Like closing a door would fix my mood But then the room got loud in a different way All the thoughts I postponed lined up to say hey My leg won't stop bouncing, my hands feel weird Like they're waiting for orders I haven't given I keep reaching for nothing, then laughing at myself Then worrying that the laugh doesn't even help

Silence isn't calm, it's a mirror And I don't love what I see It's not empty, it's crowded With the parts of me I keep busy I thought quiet would be easy I thought quiet would be kind But right now it feels like standing In a room with my own mind This is harder than I thought

I notice the fridge, the pipes, the little clicks Every tiny sound gets sharp like a nervous tick I check the window like something's outside But it's just a tree doing tree stuff, letting time slide And I feel embarrassed - why can't I sit still Why does rest feel like I'm losing my grip I tell myself, "Breathe," like it's a trick I forgot And my chest goes tight like it's arguing back

(oh) Okay So this is the cost Not the mountains Not the woods Just sitting here Without an exit Without a feed Without a reason to look away

No music No screen (mm) Still here